I can no longer write on big moments like before, when I realized that what happened around is a consolidation of smaller, insignificant trivia. Things are still going on, but when the recurrence kicked in, when the excitement of first job and further study faded away, what left along is the plainest state of mind you will expect.
Here come the twist, the normal life is great. No thriller, no surprise, you live a life where normal are defined.
For the past months, I went to bed at 11pm and woke up at 6am.
I’m still drinking 3-in-1 Nescafe coffee every morning, before getting ready for works. The morning walk to the bus station had been filling up with humidity as if it was summoned by the monsoon, the traffic are lessen upon school holiday.
I’m still listening to the same beep sound everyday when touch-and-go card in contact with the bus scanner. Aside, the passengers dancing and speaking rude languages along with the abrupt stopping of the commute, occasionally stuck with LRT break down with further cursing from everybody else. On the way to office, the subway tunnels are people walking expressionless with smart dresses and slick hairs.
Out of nowhere, you are now one of these people; smart dress, slick hair without an expression.
Looking at the watch, gosh it was nine hours away from home, did it even pass half an hour since I was here?
I’m still going to the same options on lunches, while people around start to discover the unlimited potential for how much a tummy can grow. Here come a dilemma between staying fit or eating and laze around without considering the consequence.
Eventually, gym wins.
I’m still working late, sometime due to demanding work, sometime to finish off assignment as I am too reluctant to bring it home. Most of the time I just dozed off on the bus and missed out the lively night scene of Kuala Lumpur city, which I used to overate when I first came.
The rest of the day, I either play 3DS or watch few videos on Youtube before turning into bed after one whole day of exhaustion. Not forgetting the ritual to iron the shirt for next day. To some extent I stay awake for assignment and nag myself for putting too much commitment into these shits.
On Wednesday, there will be group meeting after work, I will go to friends’ office after work to discuss on the never-ending assignments. Reaching home late and feeling grateful for being able to get a Grabcar at this hour.
Weekends, I went to university with nothing difference than working routines. The journey took longer time, I can finish listening up to two albums sometime.
I’m still the person who is paying most attentions in class. I asked question like an answer scheme, I took note and gave 100% responsibility as a student. I enjoyed the class and developed bonds with coursemates who went through thick and thin together.
Then I went to home when the sun go beyond the horizon, repeated the same thing the next day, perhaps for the next couple months. Hush, looking on the calendar to search for a legitimate holiday.
Another new week in the work, I can’t feel any Monday Blue like people did. Everyday feels the same; plain and repetitive.
Basically, this summed up the life I am going through now, working and studying, lack of quality time for family and lack of sleep in most circumstances.
I don’t even know why am I writing this but I know, these will be the moments I am going to miss someday; decades later, when I finally own things, a family, perhaps performing well in the career when the economy revolved.
When I finally got the ability to provide better livings for my family and live in a way I once looking up to, during the days when I was young and fearless.
Hang on, Luke, you know you sure can do better. You know I will.
Million times, for that, for the day to come true.