What I Didn’t Become

Part 1

Merciless, the scorching sunlight pierces through every single living cell exposed to it. Hiding under the shade of dilapidated steel structures, I let the bandung cincau frolicking inside the throat before moving on with the inspection job.


Too many times when I thought I will be someone, the world defines me as another.

Perhaps the eight months industrial training at the local operator company was my closest bet for being a structural engineer. Being a trainee is always fun, you got the guts to design bold stuff, hands on and ask questions without getting shunned away. People are helpful while you enjoying immensely.


Part 2

Later when I was graduated, the oil price was hitting the bottoms. I thought I will never get called by the sponsor, thus applied for a job at the town. Being called as a civil engineer, finally, I was able to run the site and see how construction works; from foundation all the way toward the finishing touch of housing development.

Days with concrete worker was golden. The way they functions was systematic yet lively. Working in this industry made you realized that Bangla and Indon are also human, occasionally packed with stories and family to be supported far away.


For how many times, I came home in fatigue with tanned skins, listening to the nagging from elders that I supposed to get a better job in air-conditioned office. It may take forever for them to understand how much I like that job but I wish someday later I will be able to show them the outcomes I gained.
Too bad the job only lasts for two months.


Part 3 and the rest of the story

Eight months down in this metropolitan, I am walking on an entirely different aisle that never came across my mind. As a freshman, people inquires your study background. In facts, you know that question is not out of curiosity but just a part and parcel of the process. Oh you was an engineer? Come on, nobody care.

Eventually you learned to shut up and move on.

Looking into how well my classmates excel in their career, the resonances do hurt from time to time, sometime it expands, but most of the times I had long forgotten how it used to matter so much. Too much.

After all, I appreciate the current assigned obligation. My unit plays the role in managing stakeholder’s interest for the organization. The environment is ambience, people are nice.

In this lesson of life, they taught the way to dress like a white-collar, greeting people in elegance, giving a firm handshake, always be meticulous in the choice of words, making friends, dining with etiquette, socialize, do not act reckless, adopting seniority in a big world.

In exchange, they had taken back your knowledge on how to draw bending moment diagram and calculate ultimate bearing capacity. Value for yield strength of steel and fluid dynamics coefficient is long gone. As time goes by, you can’t even recall the fundamental principles of mechanics.


The existence of this post is much about regret. Not depression. With the astonished feeling fading away, the least I can do is to write it down before I forgot how it felt.

Bottom line is, regardless of the change, people adapt. Hopefully, this will be the last time I ever talk about the things I cannot be.

Before the day I finally manage to sort out my life, cheers.



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