I Started A Joke

Here I am,standing on this land of loneliness,and reminiscent back to the start point of this holiday plan.It’s the period when finals are coming last semester,there I was,brain full of ideas that how should I spend the holiday wisely,and among the plans,I picked the toughest one and start considering to stay in UTP for pursuing minors for 4 months.

“Are you serious?”Seh Hui is the very first person I tell even before my family.

“Yes,I am serious-ly CRAZY.”By that,I started a joke which can never be stopped.

I started a joke
Which started the whole world crying
But I didn’t see
That the joke was on me, oh no

I don’t know the reasons,but I am really sad when I made the decision. I had been studying continuously for 5 semester and I am so desperate to have a long-break just like any other of us. I choose not to be frolicking at home which is my grand wish all along the time. The first thing that I worried is my family reaction, and hence I made a phone call back to my parents.

I tell myself,if they disagreed,I will just ignore any thought and give up the plan.

“Go ahead,son^^”the warmest sound I can feel make me almost cried over the phone,for their understanding,their love and all.

I started to cry
Which started the whole world laughing
Oh, if I’d only seen
That the joke was on me

So I begin to apply for the procedure where it is rather complicated than what I thought.I didn’t tell any people during that time unless they asked.I know I will be get laugh eventually if the thing failed,so I will not bluff to other about this until I get it on my hand.

I went Registra,ACS,Residential Village and HOD office to request for the permission.It’s the time during Exam Week that I barely squeeze up the time to finish the application.

The facts is,there were actually a lot of people from my batch staying to study short sem,but I am the only Chinese that time and still,I was all alone then.When I started to tell the world that about this decision,the lukewarm response was the only thing I received.

Most of the people give me encouragement,but in the form that don’t be that silly to stay for study,it’s the dumbest plan perhaps.I understand that they were concerning me at that point,but the words were fully discouraging.

I looked at the skies
Running my hands over my eyes
And I fell out of bed
Hurting my head from things that I’d said

I was distraught,even the closest friend give me a cold shoulder,nobody understand me.Maybe it’s still able to pull up the plan,so I was insomnia every night during the critical period of exam weeks.

Thinking back now,I lost my direction during that time.Emotions stirred up my mind.

But I decide to stay eventually despite all the odds.Perhaps is the faith I had toward myself.Starting from that instance,I adapted loneliness,and swear must survive for the 4 months even that is only me,at least before all the people I trusted come back.Before the holiday started,I went to some friends rooms and give them a hug,telling them I will miss them badly.

And now I am here,still missing those smiles while I finished the 8th week of academic.

‘Til I finally died
Which started the whole world living
Oh, if I’d only seen
That the joke was on me

I am writing this post for a reason,to have some words to the me during that trying period.

Dear Zhen Teng at the mid of January 2012,

Hi,thanks for the decision,you may predict correctly that you will be all alone this sem,but still,you will met a lot of kind seniors,and they really help you in the studies and push you to look forward.Then,you will have a very different aspect of insight into what studies really meant to you from the 4 classes you have.Maybe someday after,you will just like me,start to enjoy the life here with different angles from before.Don’t forget to go back home often if possible and stay contact with your friends because that’s what you need.The rest I shall left you to explore yourself and remember,never feel regret after what you had gone through and tried your best to get.As long as you have faith to yourself,you will defeat all the unhappiness,I love you.

Maybe I started a joke at that instance,but I always believe that’s the most precious gift I had given to myself,in my life.

That the joke was on me

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5 thoughts on “I Started A Joke

  1. Give it the best shot for whatever you’ve chosen. I know you’ve done a great job. Keep it up and we’re all here for you when you need us 🙂

  2. You started a joke, maybe no-one laugh at the end, not even yourself.
    But, only the person who starts the joke knows the intention for him to choose to do so=)
    No matter what, go ahead, since that is your choice!

    Best wishes. Always and forever.

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